LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION?
The mistake I see so many people making is that we settle for a life that is too small for us. We let others tell us what we want, or our own voices are drowned out by the needs and wants of the other people in our lives. We lull ourselves to sleep until something comes along to shake us out of this slumber. An illness, a divorce, the death of a loved one...these are the kinds of crises that happen as a wake-up call.
The truth is, life will speak to you in increasingly disruptive ways until you listen to it. It WILL get your attention.
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My Message to you…
Love Notes
“You’ve GOT to be kidding me. What do you mean, let love lead? It’s love that got me into this mess, so why would I do that?”
My client stared at me in disbelief. He was making an important decision about a parenting plan proposal that had been given to him that week. He felt misunderstood, discounted, and hurt by the plan his wife put forward about sharing parenting time with their two small children. He brought this situation to our coaching session, looking to come away with a counterproposal.
“This is ridiculous. She only wants me to see them every other weekend. I’ve been taking care of them more than she has! There’s no way I’m going to agree to this.” This was followed by his usual, “Why on earth did I marry this person in the first place?!” (Expletive deleted).
We sorted through all the complexities of his situation, like his recent move to be closer to his work (but a 90-minute drive from the marital home), etc. After he’d had enough time to express his anger and upset, he started calming down and thinking more rationally.
Knowing that his love for his daughters was the most important thing to him, I’d asked him what might be possible if he were to let love lead him to the best decision – for everyone concerned.
This brings us to the question – what is love really? Is it an emotional attachment to someone or something? That’s how most dictionaries define it. Yes, that’s one aspect of love – as a noun. There are also practical ways of looking at love as the energy that brings things together and holds them there. It’s the glue that holds families together.
Then there’s unconditional love, explained in this quote by Wayne Dyer: “There is no greater power in Heaven or on Earth than pure, unconditional love. The nature of the God force, the unseen intelligence in all things, which causes the material world and is the center of both the spiritual and physical plane, is best described as pure, unconditional love.”
When I think of love in that way, it seems way more than just a feeling. It’s an intelligence. Love knows what is for the highest good of all concerned. If we can tap into what Love wants to share, it can guide us.
In our session, my client connected with the love he feels for his children and let it speak to him. In doing so, he was able to let go of his small version of love (which was really a fear of losing his kids in disguise) and tap into his unconditional love for his family. In the end, he made a decision that surprised him in its generosity of spirit. He stretched into that bigger love to make an agreement that worked well for everyone.
Do you have a similar situation going on in your life? A decision to make, a difficult conversation that needs to be had, a situation you are dealing with that stretches you way past your comfort zone? If so, what might be possible for you if you tap into that bigger Love – that is intelligent – and let it lead you?
Additional articles can be found at Life’s Next Chapter Coaching by clicking here.
"Carrie Hopkins-Doubts is an innovator in the field of grief recovery. I am a mental health professional and, from my experience of her, Carrie ranks up there with the very best coaches in this area.
I recently went through an experience of sudden, intense, unexpected loss. I reached out to Carrie for coaching support with the grief process and she assisted me in ways that I never imagined possible. She was the anchor that I held onto as I walked through the process of rebuilding my sense of self and purpose. She was able to help me cognitively understand the grief that I was experiencing and to normalize my thoughts and emotions. She was, most importantly, able to hold a loving, safe, sacred space in which I could cry my tears, heal, and find solace in the face of devastating loss.
Carrie is loving, supportive, wise, nurturing, tender, and compassionate: she is a beautiful soul. She kept me functioning in the first few months of my experience of loss, which helped me to gather my inner resources to continue to move into the next stage of my life.
She was instrumental in holding the vision of my future that I was unable to hold for myself. She shared with me that after a year I would have an entirely different attitude toward my experience – and she was completely accurate. I have turned the page on the painful experiences of the past and I am living my life in gratitude for the many blessings I receive.
Working with Carrie has assisted me in leading a transformed life and I am eternally grateful."
~Marie Beech, Psy.D.
Courses
Transitions and Transformations: Thriving in the Midst of Change
We all know what change is. Change is what happens in the outer world. Change can be stressful, whether it is something you regard as a positive change or a situation thrust on you that was not of your choosing. You may be experiencing one of those stressful, negative changes in your life right now - a divorce, the loss of a job or career, a life-threatening illness, the death of someone close to you, an empty nest, retirement, changes to the roles you’ve been playing in your life, etc.
Transition is the psychological re-orientation and inner integration of the changes that take place in your outer world. When you are going through changes, the transition process can cause trouble, if you are not prepared for it. All transitions include loss. Sometimes that loss is very clear to you and you feel the grief of that loss. Other times, you may feel the grief at a more subtle level and not even know why you are feeling that way.
Yes, change is stressful, but you don’t have to let it ruin your life. With a shift in perspective, awareness and acceptance of the inner process of transition, and some change management strategies, you will start seeing the opportunities held within change. As you gradually let go what has ended, you can then start to see and embrace the potential inherent in your new beginning.
In this coaching program you will learn about the process of change and how it differs from transition. You'll also learn about the phases of transition and how to successfully navigate through them. Whether you are working through changes you have initiated or those that have been thrust upon you, you will come away from this course with information that you can put to use to help you feel more in control of your response to life’s changes.
In this self-study program you will explore:
Your Reaction to Change – You will explore how people commonly react to change.
The Process of Change – You will discover how change is different from transition and learn about the phases of transition.
Seeing Change Differently – You will understand and learn to work WITH the transition process instead of resisting it.
Accepting Change – You have the opportunity to experience change as a catalyst for transformation so that you can lean into a richer, more fulfilling, and purposeful life.
To cooperate with the process of transition is to use change as a way to begin thriving on EVERY level of your life. It’s welcoming change as a transformational opportunity.
COST: $47.00
Empathy 101: The Heart of Relationship
When you think about a significant conversation you've had in your life, chances are that you experienced empathy in that exchange. Maybe you were the receiver of someone’s compassion as you poured your heart out or, you felt moved to really be there for someone and share their pain at a critical time in their lives.
You remember that conversation for a reason. It could have been the birthing place of a new life, a new way of being for you. Something inside of you changed for the better. Some barrier that you had erected to keep you separate from others came crashing down and you experienced a feeling of intimacy. You realized, in that exchange, that we are all very much the same in our basic need for understanding and human connection. We all need to know that we matter.
That’s the power that empathy holds to go straight to the heart of what matters: connected relationship. This relationship can be for an instant, a season, or for a lifetime. If there is empathy in it, chances are it is a relationship that nourishes your need for belonging and for companionship when things get difficult.
In this coaching program, you are going to explore how to build on your already existing capacity for empathy. You will:
Define what empathy is and recognize why it is such an important skill to have in life.
Learn simple, practical, powerful ways to develop your level of empathy when interacting with others.
Realize that you can be a bridge of understanding even for people you disagree with,
Learn how to create trusting relationships and deepen relationships with the important people in your life,
Create safety for people to authentically express themselves with you.
We will explore the neuroscience of empathy, the three kinds of empathy (and which is best to cultivate), how to boost your active listening skills and accurately sense into what others are feeling to better understand them and their perspective. You'll take all you have learned into the field of your own life and start practicing the skills of empathy with the people in your world.
The most common definition of empathy is being able to step into someone else’s shoes. This is a good place to start. However, there is a common misunderstanding that to empathize with another is to take on their suffering and make it your own.
We will expand upon this definition so that, at the end of the course, you will be able to recognize and avoid the pitfalls of getting mired in the emotions of another and taking them on as your own. Rather, you will have the ability to see the world through their eyes and experience a deep understanding and compassion with them while remaining within your own thoughts, feelings, and energy.
The course is structured in seven modules delivered over the course of three weeks.
An Introduction to Empathy
What is Empathy?
Why is Having Empathy So Critical to Healthy Relationships?
Developing Empathy
Mindfulness and Meditation
Empathy Tips to Use Going Forward
COST: $47.00
Breaking Free From Worry: How to Let Go and Find Peace in the Face of Life’s Uncertainties
Perhaps we don’t worry about everything, but we still worry about a lot. We get preoccupied with “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. And our mind can run away with negative thoughts and ideas that never come to be.
From time to time, it is understandable that we worry, as life can dish out sudden changes to us and those we care about that cause us to feel anxious. But when worrying becomes unrelenting, it can paralyze us from acting.
Congratulations for taking your worrying habits by the horns and taming them so you can regain your health, joy, and peace of mind.
I want to help you to experience more freedom from worry so I created this course, Breaking Free From Worry: How to Let Go and Find Peace in the Face of Life's Uncertainties. This program will give you new insights, perspectives and POWERFUL tools to restructure the way you approach people, circumstances, and the “negative future fantasies” that are stealing your happiness.
During the program, you will:
Explore the main reasons people worry and what we believe we accomplish by worrying.
Review the nine destructive ways of thinking that result from worrying and how they become a habit.
Assess, challenge, and change the way you handle your worrying thoughts.
Learn four specific methods for eliminating worry from your life and practice using them for a renewed sense of well-being.
Experience greater peace through Acceptance, Appreciation, and Allowing for a higher potential to unfold.
COST: $47.00
“Carrie was a wonderful coach, asking questions that helped me to look at issues I would never otherwise thought of. Her feedback was very encouraging. If you find your worries dragging you down and affecting your life, relationships or health, I would encourage to make a change and participate in the "Breaking Free from Worry" course. Thank you for the opportunity of allowing me to share my journey with you today.”
~B. Shaw
